Picture it.  Yesterday.  In the kitchen.  I was cleaning the stove and she walks up to me and starts in on yet another long interlude of weird shit until she gets to the damn point.  There always has to be a story involved, or some kind of production to get to where she's asking me for something.  Like usual.  She's doing it to pretend she's making conversation, but all she's doing is bothering me and talking in the most roundabout way to get to the damn point.  This happens EVERY SINGLE TIME she asks me for something, which can be up to several times a day, depending on her needs or her mood.  If she's feeling saucy, she will add in all sorts of flourishes and bullshit.  Yesterday, she had just got done talking shit about me to her BFF Christmas (in the previous post), so she was trying to butter me up because I think she knew I that I knew what she had said.  

Her: Oh, I know you're busy, and god knows when you'll be able to be done with what you're doing, so don't think you have do it right now.  It will probably take you all day to get this done....

Me: STOP.  Get to the point.  Why do you have to tell me a story before you ask me for something?  What do you want?  Crackers? Are you asking me for crackers?

Her:  Yes. That's what I was going to ask you for.  

Me:  See how fast and simple that was?  I will go get you a box of crackers.  

I got her a box of crackers and that was that.  I keep certain food in a locked pantry or in the basement pantry--my mother has ZERO self-control with certain things--like money and crackers and other things--and eats them so quickly that if I don't have to be the one who gets them for her, she will double my grocery bill.  Also, I put things in there my kids don't have self-control with, too: at their request.  I took our front hall closet and turned it into a pantry, as we don't store anything of any worth in there that's needed upstairs.  So, now I have more upstairs pantry space.  But then my mother found out about it and thought it was a free-for-all and started taking stuff without telling me, so I put a lock on it.  Boy did she get PISSED when she saw that, but not to me, of course.  To my oldest son, because she wants him to tell me about it, then she can deny it if I bring it up to her and act like he's overreacting LOL  Just like she does with her BFF Christmas.  She will say her BFF is overreacting all the time.  It's a fun little game she plays.  So, I stopped calling her out on her shit and just let her bitch to other people without ever telling her (minus her birthday, that was too much for me to ignore).   Let her think she's getting away with everything, when in fact, she's never getting away with anything at all.  

Just know that my tone of voice was jolly and nice, in no way I was being rude to her or could be taken as being rude.  I did that on purpose, because I am not all about trying to make anyone feel bad for being annoying.  I just wanted to make a point that crap is unnecessary.  Just ask me for what you want.  That's it.  It's so freaking easy.  She does this with everyone.  It's how she communicates with people.  As a narcissist, this woman has no idea how to relate to others, so this is how she relates, but telling long, random, annoying stories.  About everything.  All the freaking time.  She has no idea how to just be normal.  But I got up enough balls yesterday (mostly because I was angry with her for what she had said about me, lying to her BFF and all that, about me not letting her go to her BFF's house and hiding her tools on her, etc.) to just stop her in her tracks and maybe because I did it once, I'll be able to do it again, and again, so eventually I can change her behavior as a whole.  We'll see about that.  But it felt good yesterday to finally say something to her rather than listening to her ten minute spiel to just get her a box of damn crackers.  

If she's going to do nothing but talk shit about me to other people, then I don't have time to listen to her shenanigans.  So there.