So, apparently people with VaD (vascular dementia) can be overdiagnosed (meaning misdiagnosed), but at what rate, I do not know.  My mother has exhibited signs of dementia in the past, but hasn't for such a long time that I am starting to wonder if she ever had it at all.  Because apparently, taking medication such as propranolol and primidone can give you issues like dementia, but aren't really dementia.  Then we have this article right here, that states: "The panel clinically diagnosed possible or probable vascular dementia (VaD) in 27 (38%) patients, whereas only five (19%) patients (p = 0.017) had an autopsy-confirmed diagnosis of VaD".  So, she may not even have it.  Though I am never going to bring that up to her neurologist, as they'll probably laugh at me or not listen anyways.  The thing is, around me?  She acts helpless and so quiet and stupid silly.  Around her BFF Christmas, she acts like her normal damn self.  The self she was before she moved in here.  

I will say she's declined in other ways, though.  Like, there is zero way she should be driving.  Or climbing the stairs or using the stove or going for walks by herself.  But one could say she shouldn't have been able to do those things long before she moved in here.  

But as for her memories, they were always bad.  Like, always.  Like for my entire fucking life.  She's always made up a scenario that she likes and she sticks with it.  like, actually believes her lies.  So, now when she's old and doing the same thing, it looks dementia-related.  But in reality, she just has a piss-poor memory mixed with her narcissism and possibly some added memory issues from her primidone (that she needs to be able to life her life).  I am not saying she doesn't have dementia.  I am just saying it's a possibility that she may not have it.  

The neurologist that diagnosed her was kookier than shit.  He was also opinionated and very autistic (not bashing ND people here, as I am one myself) with pants that were so tight you could see his summer sausage and kiwis (which I found myself trying sooooo hard not to look at, but I could not help it).  He was in his late 60's or 70's, too.  And those cat scan pics were checked out by many neuros before him and nobody saw anything.  So, I am just saying.  

Perhaps my mother doesn't have dementia and she just has NMD: narcissistic memory disorder (I just made that up--but it fits, does it not?)?   

Which kind of is terrible.  The ONLY reason we all moved in here together was because I was told she was in decline and I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel.  Granted, there has been light, but not due to her decline, but due to me taking her power away.  But still.  I wanted a mother I could enjoy being around.  Her parents both had Alzheimer's and her brother had Lewy Body Dementia and all three of them were narcissists and all three completely mellowed out and became silly old people as they progressed.  I wanted that with my own mom.  I wanted her to be confused and silly and forget that she hates me.  Too bad that's apparently not happening.  She's still talking shit about me behind my back regularly and still hates me when I do everything I can to make her happy.  Granted, I don't always.  But even when I do, she hates me.  

Today she asked for more pairs of jeans and a gigantic list of stupid shit on Amazon (like coffee body scrub and things for washing dishes, even though she doesn't wash dishes).  I am throwing the list away, as none of that crap is worth buying (and she can't use a body scrub in the shower as she'll fall over and hurt herself) and now I am stuck having to buy two new pairs of jeans that I can't afford.  Though, I am just most likely going to take her old jeans that are too big for her and take them in instead of buying her new ones.  Because that's just stupid to waste money when we don't have it right now.  

OR, I am going to start making her fucking pants.  I can deconstruct a pair of jeans that fit her and then use it as a pattern to make her new pants.  I like that idea.  OOOHH I can just make her parachute pants so they can be any size!  Yes!  

Ugh.  Okay.  Just my thoughts for today.