The woman on it has ZERO idea of what narcissism is.  I feel bad for her, but the documentary was so freaking annoying because of her total ignorance on the subject that I had to not watch another episode.  The documentary is called "Betrayal: The Perfect Husband" on Hulu, which tells the story of Spencer Herron.  

The story is about how this woman dates this PERFECT guy all throughout college, then decides, when he leaves college and she has a year left in school, to just dump him so she didn't have to be tied down during her senior year.  My husband said "If he's so perfect, why did she dump him?"  And I had to think about it.  Because I did the same thing when I was 17.  I pined after this boy from age 4 until I was 17.  Then I got him as a boyfriend, finally, and then three months later, when he went away to college, I dumped him.  I said "maybe we can get back together when we're older?".  He said no, and acted like I hurt him so badly.  I felt horrible, but something inside of me told me to do that.  And I realized, I dumped him because there were red flags all over the damn place, so much so that I didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore.  The day he left for college, I literally broke down and cried harder that I ever had (and have to this day) in my entire life (except until I had an acquaintance commit suicide about 10 years ago).  I mean, I was literally on the floor weeping that the love of my life was going away and I'd not see him again for a very long time.  But here's the funny part, now that I remember it clearly, I stopped crying after about 5-10 minutes and never cried for him again.  In fact, I wasn't even sad anymore after I stopped crying.  

I cried the day he left for the airport, and then a month went by and I dumped him.  It's like I was seeing clearly for the first time since that summer had started and realized the truth: I did not love him and he did not love me.  I was just addicted to the idea of loving him.  I addicted to the idea he was perfect.  But when I actually dated him the summer of my junior year in high school, I saw that this guy, who I had built up in my mind for more than ten years, was not at all like the guy in my head.  Like, at all.  He was kind of a dick.  I remember thinking that back then.  But looking back, I realize it was more than kind of a dick, he was the total dick package: he was bossy, controlling, rude, and made me wait for him for HOURS to come over, even though he lived two houses away from me.  He also told me what to wear and how to wear my hair.  He was in control of everything in our relationship.  He even talked shit about my friends acting like "they were in high school".  I said "Excuse me, they ARE in high school!"  Which annoyed him even more.  

He was one of those "starving artist" types.  He thought he was so creative and so cool and so above everyone else around him.  He didn't even bother to pretend to be anything else, that's how sure of himself he was.  But I had loved him all my life, so I was bound and determined to make him better, and more like the guy in my head.  Funny though, looking back, I can clearly see he was always that guy.  He never once pretended he wasn't, not even when he was seven when I met him.  He was an overt narcissist, which is what you call someone who doesn't hide their narcissism and pretend to be nice.  They just are so rude, that we think to ourselves "Wow, that person is so sure of themselves!  I need to be in the orbit of that person!!"

Unlike Spencer Herron, who was a covert, bordering on a psychopath, narcissist, who she found again years later after graduating college and started dating him again, eventually marrying him.  But both the lady on the show and I, were smitten by these idiots.  We were duped into thinking that this type of behavior is a signal that they were worth our time.  Granted, my ex didn't pretend to be nice to me.  Which is a red flag.  But Spencer not only pretended to be nice to her, he lavished her with attention.  Which is another red flag.  He left her a post it note every single day professing his love for her.  That's not normal (meanwhile, I couldn't get my ex to return a phone call).  When you look at someone who's trying to hard (or not hard enough) know that they are sending you a sign.  The sign reads "I am covering up something.  Deep down, I am empty, and this behavior shows you that."  Too much or too little, both are signs of deeply fucked up narcissists.  And I mean, WAY too much or WAY too little, the more (or less) they show affection?  The more empty they are.  

And the scary part is she honestly believes, to this day, he loved her.  She thinks all those love notes, all that attention he lavished on her, that something just went wrong and he fucked a student of his and got into trouble for it.  I honestly feel so bad for her.  To not "get it".  To still be in that narcissistic fog.  That means she can easily fall back into it again with the next guy (or with a friend or coworker, etc.) if she doesn't start to wise up and see it for what it was.  

The truth is, he didn't love her.  Sure, I think that narcissists think they're in love.   Or at least they're trying to be.  They can't actually feel love, so they attempt to mimic it.  And some, like the idiot this guy is, tried too hard.  He tried to pretend to love her.  He tried hard maybe because he wanted to love her.  Or maybe he wanted someone to keep him warm on cold nights after a night of constant cheating.  But he pushed so hard, maybe thinking if he did, she wouldn't ask questions about his antics outside of the home, that's so easy to see what he was doing the whole time.  But she didn't see it.  Because she didn't want to see it.  She wanted it to be real.  She wanted him to love her.  She wanted the love story to be true.  Maybe she didn't want it to be failure, or maybe she didn't want to see how much time she wasted on him, I don't know.  But he didn't love her.  He never loved her.  And I know this, because narcissists (aka sociopaths/psychopaths) cannot love.  They are incapable.  They don't have whatever hormone needs to be secreted in order to understand how love works.  They may love you in the moment, but the moment that moment is gone, so is the feeling of love.  That's not actual love.  That's the love of a wind-up toy that once it winds down, the energy is gone they are left with nothing.  

Sounds sad, I know.  Which why they can turn their feelings about those they love or their friends on and off at will.  All it takes is for them to walk away from you, the person they just professed their undying love to, to go and stab you in the back.  

I sound jaded, but I am not.  That's actually how it is.  My mother can slap a smile on her face and have a great conversation with me and then turn around and tell her BFF what a piece of shit I am.  Nothing is real with them.  Not even their hate.  

So, the documentary is three episodes, but I had to stop after one, because I could not watch a woman not realize her husband is a raging narcissist, which I would say could be diagnosed as a psychopath (he's a planner!) and then still believe it was all real.  The loving her part.  None if it was real.  But if it helps her to sleep at night to pretend it was, then fine by me.  I just don't have to watch it.  I mean, the title says it all.  I would say that it's facetious, but the word "betrayal" really gets me, as she was never betrayed.  The signs were so freaking obvious she should have stayed away from him after college.  Granted, I did the same thing...I went after that same ex after I became an adult and still pined after him after breaking up ten years prior.  But when things fell apart on us the second time, it was because I realized what a fucking lunatic he was.  Still pulling the same old tricks on me and still being a dick.  

I was smart enough to run away and stay away.  I only wish this lady had, too.  But if it hadn't been her, it would have been some other unsuspecting woman dealing with his bullshit.  

Yuck.  I don't understand why NPD exists and I hope one day they find a cure for it.  But until then, please learn your red flags, ladies and gents.  Because if you don't, you too will feel "betrayed" one day by one jerk or another.  Watch the show and know that whatever this guy does?  It's a red flag, screaming out "Please don't date me! I am horrible!".  That will help get you started.  Okay, rant over.