Have you ever seen that show called "Sister Wives"?  Well, of course you have.  But even if you haven't, I know you've at least heard of it (or maybe you live under a rock?).  It's about four women named Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robin married to one narcissistic man, Kody Brown.  As of 2024 (after like ten or more seasons), the three earliest wives have all left Kody, only leaving the fourth and final (so far) wife, Robin.  And the world is all blaming Robin for it. 

Yet, I don't get why.  

The show started when Kody started courting Robin and while I've only watched the first few seasons and other episodes here and there (though I've probably seen most of the current season, too), I can safely say that the way the world hates on Robin is just stupid.  I honestly do not believe she's the criminal mastermind they all make her out to be.  It's more like she's a total people pleaser and Kody is the idiot in charge and Robin just does whatever she has to do keep him happy.  And  because of that, they all blame her.  But the thing is, women who grew up fundamentalist religious families, like Robin, are taught to be obedient.  So, why are they all hating on her for being what she was taught to be?

I mean, I can totally relate to Robin's plight (minus marrying a second narcissist), as I was as single mom with young kids when I met my hubby.  And my hubby's entire family thinks I am the reason my husband walked away from them.  They think I am the criminal mastermind, luring my poor defenseless husband into my life to provide for me and our kids (like what they all think Robin did to Kody) and to leave them all behind.  They all think he's too dumb to think for himself and that I am some kind of controlling asshole (neither of which is true), which is how they all see Kody and Robin, too.  It's so stupid and silly because they are all just choosing to ignore the truth.

But if you follow the show you can easily see what's actually going on: Robin is loyal to Kody because Robin is a people pleaser (which is also why she cries a lot), and so Kody dotes on Robin and her kids and treats them better than he does his other kids and wives.  Not because Robin asks him to, but because Kody wants to send a message to the rest of the family: if you are not loyal to me, you are nothing to me.  This is a total narc move, people!  Everything the narcissist does, they do for a specific reason.  EVERYTHING.  And it's either to get what they want, or to make someone feel the way they want them to feel.  He's saying "Do you want to see what happens when you don't bow down to me?  I will reject you and act like you don't matter to me!"  You see this constantly with Kody, as he's always talking shit about his kids on the show (though not Robin's kids) and not showing up to important things for them for his children, letting them all down the way he thinks they let him down.  Which is bullshit, because all the kids did was not do what he asked.  The narcissist cannot deal with not being worshipped, so they will get revenge when they don't feel in control anymore.  And for some reason, they all blame Robin for it.  But the things is, Kody knows exactly what he's doing.  And Robin has no say so in what Kody says or does.  You always see her telling him "Hey, you better patch things up with your other wives!"  Or "You better stop doting on me or else they will all get jealous!"  But that's his plan.  That was always his plan.  The other wives are not obedient anymore, and he only wants obedient wives (and kids), and so he doesn't want to work things out them.  He wants to punish them.  But not outrightly, he wants to make them feel lesser and neglected, the way he feels.  So, he dotes on the obedient wife.  He wants to make sure they feel hurt and horrible before he starts in on the smear campaigns (which he always resorts to, as well).  That way it looks like it was their fault all along.  When in reality, he made them jealous on purpose so he could blame them for being jealous and make it seem like everything is their fault.  

And Kody?  Is at fault for nothing.  

We all thought they were super nice and super sweet and Kody was a great guy when the show started.  But little by little, throughout the years since the show first aired, we could see Kody's "nice guy" mask fall away to show the ugly little permed troll that lay underneath.  And while I haven't seen the pandemic seasons, from what I've heard, that was the straw that broke the camel's back and that's when his facade started to crack and we all started to see the truth.  

But that's the way, isn't it?  Trauma, struggle, hardship: those things do not allow a narcissist to hide anymore and their true selves come out because they can't handle the stress.  But if you notice something: Robin wasn't the one who changed.  Kody was.  Kody broke down and went a tad bit insane.  Mostly because of the fact his kids stopped listening to him, which means to him, they stopped respecting him.  And to a narcissist, respect is everything (as it's a form of control).  And this broke him.  And now he's forever broken and now there's no more Mr. Nice Dad.  He's chosen sides.  And the side he chose was the one who gave him the most amount of respect (meaning letting him control them) that he thought he deserved.  And now the line has been drawn, the gloves are off and he's in battle mode.  I mean, just listen to the things he says about his own children.  It's beyond fucked up.

And Robin isn't the "love of Kody's life" as Christine (wife #3) says.  This is nothing more than than being about obedient and Robin is obedient.  Kody has even said this and the show himself.  He's made a point of saying many times this season that Robin is "loyal and obedient", and if she wasn't, he'd give up on her, too.  Because that's the narcissistic way.  They are loyal to you, until you aren't loyal to them.  Then you're just as much of a piece of dirt as everyone else is.  

So beware Robin.  You are next on Kody's shit list if you step out of line the way the other wives did.  And your kids will be too, if they do the same.  Nobody is safe with narcissist.  Not even Robin or her children, despite what people think.

If you want a primer in true and real covert NPD, then you need to start watching this show from day one to the current season.  You'll see exactly what manipulation and all the other bullshit that goes along with this look like.  Narcissism is the coping mechanism of a sociopath.  There is no cure.  They were born this way.  And there is nothing you or anyone else can do to change them.  If it wasn't going to be Robin, it would have all happened anyway.  Just another wife would either be the scapegoat, or they all would be.  Kody was always going to fail as a husband and father.  They just all have someone to blame right now.  But maybe one day they'll see that maybe Robin was just an innocent bystander who just actually wanted a big family?  Or maybe I am wrong.  Not about Kody, but Robin, but I don't think I am.  But I need to watch more shows so I can get a better idea.  

But yeah.  Narcissists suck.  Especially when they are the father of like 20+ kids.  Ugh.