In cause you're new here, Christmas is my mother's BFF that she's known since childhood.  They weren't always friends and went MANY years without speaking at all, but since my mother had moved back to her childhood neighborhood, they have become close again.

And she used to come over almost once a week (though back in the old neighborhood it was once or more a day).  And now she only comes over like maybe once a month, if that.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Also, Christmas has other friends to play with, and my mother lies to her way too much for her liking (something C has expressed to me, but at least she still comes over once a month, so that's nice).  

Anyways, I have given up listening to their stupid phone calls.  Also, my mother, in her infinite idiocy, somehow figured it out.  Which I did not care about, but their shit-talking me was really getting to me mentally and emotionally.  So for my own well-being, I had to stop caring.  And boy, was that a relief.  I realized me listening to their calls was a leftover behavior from when my mother had power over me and my life (when we first moved in here, she would try to go behind my back and plan things and even once tried to hire a man to come over and take out our picture window and put in a bay window--I had to tell him go home).  But since she has lost all of her power, why did it matter what said she said?  She couldn't plan anything.  She couldn't do anything to me or this house or my family.  So, why did I care what she was saying?  If she wanted to shit-talk me, who cares? 

So I quit listening and stopped caring.  And it was like a gigantic relief.  All of sudden, I had my power back again.  I didn't realize it at time, but by letting her upset me, she had power over me again.  How did I fall into that trap once again?  I will say it make me so horribly sick to listen to her say horrible things about and then slapped a sickeningly-sweet smile on her face and be over-the-top nice to me, as though she was making up for it.  That's how you know she was just talking shit about me LOL  Such a psychopath thing to do, isn't it?  

Anyways, I stopped and my life got better.  And after I stopped, they also stopped talking shit about me when C would visit, too.  They pretty much just acted as though everything was normal.  And I felt normal again.  I felt like I could just not care or pay attention when she came over anymore.  I felt like her visits were not something to fear anymore.  That I didn't have to gear up for her to come over anymore.

That is....until the other day.  

They did the whole "whisper whisper thing again" and I was busy mopping my mom's floor in her room when heard them.  I froze and listened.  My stomach did somersaults, just like it used to when I listen on the phone.  Just like when I was a little kid and she'd talk shit about me to my dad in those same hushed tones and I'd listen from the basement.  My heart started racing again, just like it used to.  And then I heard my name.  Not once, but over and over again.  And my heart started racing out of control. 

But as I listened, I could barely hear their words, but I realized, they weren't exactly talking about me.  Yes, they were saying my name, but in relation to this other person.  Who on earth were they talking about?  

Oh, it was my Aunt Mary.  But why were they bringing me up?  She never did anything to me.  What were they talking about? 

Christmas left and everything was fine and later that day she called to bring up an old friend from our old anxiety group, about how how on Next Door Neighbor this woman was in a fight with her neighbors.  So, I brought it up and said "I was going to add something to your guy's conversation when I was mopping but I was too busy to say anything, but my Aunt Mary was certain a bit crazy at times, wasn't she?"  

C said "Oh, you heard that?  Yeah, we were talking about how every time she'd introduce you and your mom to people she's day 'This is my niece and her adopted daughter'."  I laughed out loud at that one.  I hadn't known my aunt had said that about me back then, but I found it pretty funny.  "I don't think she meant anything by it though."  I replied "Mary used to tell me I was adopted into the wrong family.  Because I was so creative and not a single person in my family is."  C gasped.  "Oh no!  I am so sorry she said that about you!"  I giggled and said "Mary was right.  I was raised by abusive alcoholics, C, I was abused and on top of that nobody was creative in my family, it was just me.  She wasn't wrong.  I don't care what she meant by it, she was right."  Sometimes I need to remind Christmas about my abuse.  She has VERY poor object permeance skills and you have to remind her if you haven't talked about something in awhile.  She said "Oh yeah."  

So, that was it.  They weren't shit-talking me at all, they were shit-talking my great-aunt LOL  I loved my aunt.  Yes, she was rude at times, but she had a defiant spirit that admired and eventually adopted myself.  She was creative and funny and giving and helpful.  Did have a mouth and said what she liked?  She sure did.  But now, at 47, I admire that about her.  She said what we were all thinking but too afraid to said.  Mary had no fear and said whatever she liked whenever wanted to.  What she a bit of a narcissist?  Maybe.  OR maybe she just was surrounded by narcissists and made the best out of what she was given.  My uncle was controlling and mean, but he was blind and mostly deaf, so Mary didn't listen to his bullshit.  She did as she liked.  She had spirit made of fire and accomplished a lot in her life.  Maybe I should aspire to be more like her as I age?  

And she was right.  I am the adopted daughter of my mom.  There is nothing wrong with being that.  Granted, I was adopted into a shit family, but that's not my fault.  Being adopted is not the same as being biologically born to your mother.  And we shouldn't pretend that it is.  

So, I am not sure why they were whispering about it, but hey, if it makes them feel better, to pretend like they have a secret, then let them.  I just need to stop having reactions to hearing it.  

Granted, I will ask C eventually to not whisper about me in my own home, as that's rude AF.  But for now, I will just do some reminiscing about my aunt for a bit.  

It's funny, my mother pretends she's a badass, but Mary?  Was a real one.  Must suck to never be able to live up to a legend when you want so badly be one yourself, but instead are an old woman who annoys people LOL