I couldn't let it go.  I couldn't just not say something.  I am so tired of letting people get away with insulting me,  So, I sent a card to my husband's boss.  It was a thank you card that read: 

Dear [Her Name],

Also, thank you for your unique observation about my hair at [husband’s name]’s going away party. It’s always interesting to see how people express themselves in social settings. I hope the moment gave you the sense of superiority you were aiming for.

Wishing you more opportunities to feel good about yourself.

Best regards,

Shay

ChatGPT wrote that for me, as my actual letters were WAY meaner.  I sent it on Saturday and she got it yesterday (on Monday) and she immediately wrote a text to my husband.  Because of course she did.  

Here is her response:

If I hurt your wife's feelings that night of bowling I am sincerely sorry.  I did not mean anything about it other than I noticed that you two had the same haircut and thought it was cute.  I'm so sorry for coming off any other way.  I got her card in the mail and I feel extremely terrible for anything I may have said.

 Sigh.  She never once said our "matching haircuts" were cute.  And she got my husband's attention while I was bowling to say "Who started it?"  He replied "What?"  She then said "You're haircuts.  They're the same."  Then she waited until I sat down and repeated it to me.  Our haircuts are in no way the same.  And telling a woman she has a man's haircut is not a compliment.  And she wasn't complimenting us, like, at all.  

I told my husband to block her before she could message him, and we both thought we'd have more time to remember to do so, but alas, she beat us to it.  

So, my husband responded 

"Our hairstyles are completely different.  And you made a comment loudly about the pants I was wearing.  You didn't comment on anyone else's appearance so this felt targeted.  That night should have been fun but instead it felt disappointing."  

She responded with

"I am sorry for my behavior.  I am sorry I came off that way."  

I don't know how to take her, but then again, I don't care.  It wasn't about what she said back.  It was about letting someone know they did something wrong.  That's it.  We have no relationship with this woman, so her apology means nothing to either of us.  I will say that last night of her first response irks me more but again ("for anything I may have said"), who cares?  I am doing this for her to actually be sorry.  I don't care if she was being manipulative or she's actually sorry, because the point here is to feel better about this whole situation and not letting his bother me anymore.  I had to say something to her.  If I hadn't, it would bother me in the way so many things still bother me that I never stood to someone about.  So, I did what I had to do, and now I know she got the card and we're done.  

Phew.  

And now maybe I can stop hating my hair again.  I actually was thinking about changing it (and I still might) because this situation made me obsess over what I look like.  And that's not like me.  I hate that I let a child (a doofus kid, at that) make me feel bad about myself.  But alas, that's how my brain works.  

And maybe I can move on, now.  

People need to be made aware of the fact that they are hurtful, even if they are not intending to be.  I need to stop caring about her intention and realize what matters is how she made me feel.  She made me feel gross and small and manly and ugly.  People need to be aware of how they make others feel with their words.  And now maybe next time she'll think twice about saying something like that to others.  I hope so.  

Or maybe not.  But either way, I can close the book on this now.  And worry about things that actually matter.  

UPDATE: My husband has come to conclusion that she had a crush on him.  And I told him that from the beginning (if you read about it in my other post).  Because I said if the situation were reversed and that MY boss, who was a man, and he did the same thing?  We'd both conclude he likes me.  And this is no different.  

Also, notice how she didn't really take responsibility for what she actually did wrong.  She said "for what I may have said" or "If I hurt your wife's feelings".  And "I am sorry for my behavior", but never "Wow, I didn't realize when I said that I was comparing your wife to looking like a man, that's not what I meant at all!"  Nope.  She just skirted around the actual issue.  What a fucking asshole LOL