My last therapist left to start her own practice (and she doesn't take medical card so I can't see her anymore).  And I am really hoping this new one isn't like all the others.  I've had ONE therapist that fit the way I like therapy, just one.  Her name is Nina and she left to go work at an old folk's home as an activities coordinator.  Sigh.  Every other therapist either a) is a total narcissist who either lies to me, or gaslights me or b) does that whole "listening" bullshit rather than actually giving therapy.  It's like....in reality, why do these people think that listening and repeating what you say is worth around $100 an hour??  I could get that for free from my husband.  For real, I need to become an professional listener, and I could make money at it, and do exactly what these therapists do, minus the fact that I would have student loans to pay off, so I could charge affordable prices.  "$30 bucks an hour, and I will listen to you tell me your problems and I will parrot back to you what you said to me!  Just like your therapist does!"  LOL  For real, I should actually do that.  "Shay, the Listening Life Coach".  I am a licensed life coach, so why not?  They could save money on therapy bills and I'd probably do the same, if not better, job.  

My last therapist was very validating, too.  She would add in "I totally can see how you'd feel that way!" and "Wow, that sounds so hard!"  She was (is) a seriously nice person.  But at the same time, she didn't give me any actual therapy.  She didn't prod me to explore my feelings.  She didn't really act like anything other than a good friend who was actually interested in my issues.  Granted, it did help me.  I am not saying seeing her was a total waste.  But I am to wonder what is it that we're doing here with therapy these days?  What is the purpose or the point?  And could we get the same involvement and outcome from something or someone else?

So, I should start at the beginning and ask what my real question is: What exactly is therapy?  So, I took that question to ChatGPT and here is what it came up with: 

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Therapy, often called counseling or psychotherapy, is a process where a trained professional, a therapist, helps individuals explore their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to better understand and address their challenges. Therapy can take various forms, such as talk therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), and more, depending on the therapist's approach and the client's needs.

People go to therapy for a variety of reasons, including:

1. Emotional Support: Therapy offers a safe, non-judgmental space to talk about personal issues, mental health struggles, or life challenges, with someone who is trained to listen and guide.

2. Mental Health Management: Those dealing with conditions like anxiety, depression, PTSD, or mood disorders benefit from therapeutic strategies and coping mechanisms that can help alleviate symptoms.

3. Self-Exploration and Growth: Therapy can be a way to gain deeper insights into one's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, often leading to personal growth, improved self-esteem, and emotional resilience.

4. Trauma Recovery: For people who have experienced trauma, therapy can provide tools to heal and integrate those experiences in a healthy way, rather than letting them disrupt life.

5. Relationship Issues: Whether it's family, friends, or romantic partners, therapy can help people improve communication, resolve conflicts, or navigate difficult relationships.

6. Life Transitions and Stress: Major life changes, such as career shifts, grief, or aging, can bring about stress and uncertainty. Therapy helps individuals cope and adapt to these transitions.

7. Breaking Negative Patterns: Therapists help identify and break unhealthy patterns of thought or behavior, fostering better decision-making and creating more positive outcomes in life.

People go to therapy because it's a powerful tool for healing, growth, and self-awareness. It helps them to process difficult emotions, find solutions to problems, and ultimately live healthier, more fulfilling lives.

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We all think of Monk going to see his therapist or Tony Soprano seeing his.  We see them asking probing questions and directing them towards making personal discoveries (or breakthroughs) in their sessions.  This is what I used to think therapy was.  And this is what Nina used to do for me.  

Everyone else?  Not so much.  

My first therapist uncovered that I had been sexually molested as a child.  He said every single thing I told him about my life as a kid and what I was going through as an adult, all pointed to being molested.  I had had a VISERAL flashback when I watched Melrose Place when Allison was marrying Billy, and she had had a flashback while her father was walking her down the aisle.  When that happened, I had started panicking, like I couldn't get out of the room fast enough, and felt like I couldn't breathe.  When I had told my mother-in-law about about at the time (she's my ex-MIL now), she laughed and said "You're so sensitive!  You were just reacting to the character on the screen!"  Because that happens.  My ex-MIL is a cunt, btw.  Just so you're aware of that.  But this was something that had never happened before.  Sure, I had panic attacks, but not like that.  And not over something like that.  

Anyways, I brought that up to my therapist, and he started asking me questions and I relayed all of everything I could remember.  And we both concluded what I had at the time was a body flashback and I had been most likely molested as a kid.  And all these years later, I do know that he was right.  He was a good therapist, but like all the others, he left, and I never saw him again.  So I was wrong, Nina wasn't the only good one I had.  But I don't remember his name at all.  

Then I saw a series of bad ones that were free, due to the fact they were reupping their licenses and had to give so many hours of therapy away for free.  Drew.  Gail.  Some other lady.  But then, Nina.  Nina prodded me for info, helped direct my thoughts to more healthy ones, and gave me tons of great coping skills and homework to work on.  She was the real deal.  

But then she left and I had a series of other ones who, at times seemed like they were going to be super helpful (but not Regina, she was a jerk), but turned out to be narcissists in sheep's clothing.  They lied.  They gaslit me.  They changed what they said to me from appointment to appointment.  They didn't listen.  Or they did nothing but talk about themselves for at least half of the appointment.  And then I had a few who just let me ramble on and never once interjected with anything but repeating what I just said to them.  At least my last one also included information on websites and books I could go look up.  And she was way more supportive than the others, but still.  Is this what therapy has come to?  Is this what it is now?  Paid listening? (some don't even do that!)

It's like, what on earth am I paying for here?  Is this all there is?  Are there actually any therapists who who do their actual jobs?  

Here is another question: what are these guys learning at school?  Are they being taught to be like this?  If so, what in the holy hell are they racking up all this debt for?  When they could just be paid listeners instead??  Or even life coaches??  Yes, they get paid more for being a therapist, but they have all that debt to pay off first.  Granted, maybe that's the point?  Maybe they're playing the long game here?  Once their debt is paid off, they'll be rolling in the dough!  

And it's all a fucking scam. 

A good therapist is worth their weight in gold.  One who listens, but also hears you and uses what you say to get your mind to open and to see the truth.  One who gives you coping skills, and has you work on things at home and actually uses those things to further your therapeutic journey.  One who pokes you and prods you to get you open up the parts of your mind and thought processes that are shut off due to maladaptive thinking.  One who's goal is to have you be so mentally healthy by the time you're therapy is done, you have no need for them anymore.  

Where are all those guys??  What happened to them? 

I once went to a sexual assault counselor and we never once talked about my rape (the reason I was going there) or my sexual abuse as a child.  We never talked about sexual assault once.  We talked about my abusive mother.  I did like her.  She was a nice person, but she refused to believe that my mother had NPD.  It's like, I know for 100% fact my mother has NPD, but now you're trying to, what, gaslight me?  Because you don't agree?  It was weird.  She wanted to think my mother had trauma, and that's why she was the way she was.  My mother DID have trauma.  But that doesn't mean my mom didn't have NPD LOL  Sigh.  I eventually started seeing a new therapist, and I didn't want to see two, so I stopped seeing her.  

The ONLY thing I walked away from my very long time of seeing her (like a year) was my love of genealogy.  C got me into that, because she was into that and thought due to me being adopted, it was a good idea I explore that.  She wasn't wrong.  But still....what kind of sexual assault counselor never talks about sexual assault or changed the subject when I did bring it up?  Sounds me to like SHE was the one with trauma and needed her own SA counselor.  

I feared writing this, because my last therapist asked me for all of my links to everything that I did, including my YouTube channel and my books that I've written.  And she KNEW I told her I had hard time saying no to people, esp. when put on the spot.  So I just blurted out all my info before thinking about whether or not I should be giving that information out.  And now I feel stifled.  Now I feel like I am being controlled by the idea that someone I know could be reading what I write.  And they may not like it.  

But here's what I say to that: who cares?  I will not silence myself out of fear.  And feedback is a good thing.  I could never tell her to her face that her therapy was not real therapy.  It was validating and nice to talk to someone outside of my home, but it wasn't therapy.  Not in the least.  And the moment I would have had to pay for it out of pocket?  I would have refused.  As I am not paying for someone to act like my friend.  That's just weird.  (and here I go blocking her on my phone so I don't get a text message about this LOL  If you're reading this, D, don't, I don't want you on my personal blog, that's overstepping your bounds as a therapist, you should have never have asked me for this info in the first place).  

So, my new therapist?  I really hope she's nice.  I really hope she gives me real therapy.  If not, I will see if I can switch. I need more structure.  I need more direction.  I need concrete ideas and techniques to implement in my life.  No, I don't need to be told what to do constantly, but what I don't need is yet another pseudo-therapist who acts like a life coach (just kidding, life coaches 100% give you more shit to work on than a therapist does) or a friend who's really interested in your drama.  And the worst part about all of this is?  I EXPLAIN EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO EVERY SINGLE THERAPIST I GET.  And none of them listen.  Not even a little bit.  

But I am seriously thinking about getting paid to be a listener.  Hell, I could start my own business and employ other listeners, too.  

I mean, why not?  No reason anyone should have to pay the outrageous prices a therapist charges to do the same exact thing.  

Anyways, I will come back after my first appointment and I'll post how it goes.