He's a man who gives himself trophies....because he's special.

Once in a blue moon, my ex will call me.  Recently, his uncle died.  I really liked his uncle.  I felt bad for him to be married to such a cunt as my ex's aunt.  I hate that bitch (who I also just ran into recently).  She's rude and horrible and stupid.  And a narcissist (like my ex's entire family is).  But his uncle wasn't.  He was a jokester.  A gruff motorcycle rider who was badass and hilarious.  And so my youngest son called my oldest son yesterday, telling him to call their father asap, as Uncle P died.  And so today, I texted my ex telling him how sorry I was.  Rather than text me back a thank you, he called me.  While driving of course, his wife never knows he talks to me.  

I've known his wife since childhood.  Sounds odd, right?  But I went to school with her and her sister.  They were always nice to me.  Her sister was a normal 80's/90's kid, whereas, she was quite trashy.  Not trying to be rude here, but she was.  Like most of the kids who went to my school.  

I have no beef with this woman today.  I used to.  I used to have a HUGE beef with her.  But my kids are grown now and I don't have any reason to dislike her.  When my kids were small, you bet your ass I did.  I am not a trashy mom.  My mom was, and her mom was, but I am not like that.  I don't drink and do drugs around my kids.  I don't let them watch rated-R practically-porn movies or horror movies when they were too young for either of those things.  I didn't walk around in skimpy undies letting my ass cheeks hang out.  But she did all those things with my kids.  Plus, she was inebriated when they were in her care.  Every single time.  Oh, and she was a hooker.  For real.  A real life hooker.

But here's the thing: today?  I don't judge her for any of that.  We're different, her and I.  We parent differently.  We have different IQs (low blow, but it's true and I am honestly not even trying to be mean about it).  We have different ideas of what parenting looks like.  And I didn't want my kids around that shit.  She got my son high for the first time....and it fucked him up (if you know what dabbing is).  My son was freaking out so badly I had to go get him.  My ex wasn't there and laid into her about it, but still.  I had my reasons for hating her back then.  Today, we're all good.  I have zero reason to say she's a bitch or even about the fact that she's still kind of a hooker.  In all honesty, I get it.  I get why she is this way, I even get why she pays her bills that way.  Like I said, she has a low IQ, and she has zero skills to take care of herself in life.  Hooking is the only way she can make a steady income.  In other countries, it's perfectly legal.  So I get why women do this.  Hell, if I had been in any other situation in life?  I may have had to resort to that myself.  I can't judge her for her lack of choices in life.  So I have zero issues with her, and I am always nice whenever I see her (which is not often). 

I am also nice to my ex.  I have no reason to hate him anymore, as all of that shit between us is in the past.  The kids are grown and he gave them space by letting my husband adopt them (which was the best parenting decision he ever made).  

But what I do have issues with is when he brings shit up and acts like he did nothing wrong.  

Sigh.  Haven't we been through this?  Haven't we said enough about this all?  This time it wasn't directed at me, but I had to listen to him drone on about how everyone around him was at fault for his life, but him.  And then he said something strange.  But I'll get to that in a second.  

"My mom is the reason I had to give my kids up!   She called you and told you that T did drugs in front of the kids which made you believe her and then everything happened!"  

What I wanted to say but didn't: (Are you forgetting the reason that pushed me over the edge?  How we even got there to begin with?  The abuse the children endured at your hands?  The neglect?  The manipulation?  The way you made our lives a living hell?  The money you stole from your kids by refusing to pay child support and the extorting me when you were giving up your rights?  Do you remember any of that, asshole?)

"You know, I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but you'd say I am pretty smart, wouldn't you?" 

(Did you forget when you actually got ANGRY with me and picked a huge fight because we found out that my IQ is higher than yours?  Did you forget how we'd go to our friends' house and play board games each weekend and you'd insist on playing Trivial Pursuit because our friends were hillbillies and you wanted to lord your autistic superior knowledge over them to make them feel stupid?  Did you forget that you can barely follow a conversation with anyone, ever, because are you are always too busy thinking about what you want to say next to listen to anyone?  Or that you will talk over people halfway into a sentence because what you have to say is so much more important?  No, B.  I don't think you're pretty smart.  I think you're an utter moron with nothing of substance to say.   I see your constant jealousy over every little thing in the world around and wonder how the hell you even know how to tie your own shoes without yelling at them for not listening to you.)

"You know, my dad pushed you on me.  He wanted me to leave B because she had three kids and so he steered me to you.  But you know what?  To this day I regret so much leaving her.  I think me breaking up with her broke her.  She cried so hard and kept asking she did wrong.  I broke her heart.  And she actually loved me." 

(This is the weird thing he said to me.  He's never talked about his ex before me before.  Not since he dumped her in 1997.  I felt so weird when he said this to me.  I wanted to say that if his dad hadn't had done that, we wouldn't have two kids, but the I remembered he doesn't care.  He'd gladly go back in time in erase them from existence if it meant he got to be with a woman who actually "loved him".  I mean his kids have barely anything to do with them  Not only that, he feels bad for her?  And he didn't think he broke my heart a thousand times when he abused me or my children?  When he used to tell people how fat I was when I pregnant or he'd scream profanity at me for disagreeing with him?  Or how stupid he'd try to make me feel because he was obsessed with being the smartest person in the room?  Why can't he feel bad for something he actually did?  I am telling you right now, that this girl was NOT broken by him.  He was her meal ticket.  He was 23, paying her bills, and taking care of her kids--and he literally knocked two teeth out of her son's mouth, so yeah, I think after he left, she wised up and realized what a fucking asshole he was to her and her kids--I hope she found another meal ticket, one that treated her, and her children, way better).  

So, from what I can tell of our phone call is that 1) my ex is still blaming only his mother for having to give up his rights to his children, 2) he still thinks he's so very smart, and 3) B was a woman who "actually loved him" and he regrets breaking her heart (and I got the feeling he thinks he utterly destroyed her).  Damn guys, did you know he was so fucking special?  And to think, I let that man slip out of my grasp!!  Whoo-ee.  What was I even thinking???

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I only talk to him maybe twice a year.  

Sigh.  

After her got with his wife, she dragged me through their new house and showed off ALL THE WORK my ex put into their house.  Painting all the rooms.  Fixing shit.  Blah blah blah.  All I could think was "Who even is this guy?  The man who made me take my 9-months-pregnant-scared-of-heights ass up on a ladder to paint my baby's nursery because he refused to."  Yeah, whoever did all that shit?  Was NOT the man I had been married to.  He was lazy AF and refused to anything for me, ever.  He would even make my sick-ass go to the drugstore to get my own Kleenex.

I hate my ex.  

Not in an active way.  I don't hate him now.  I hate who he was when he was in our lives.  His control issues and manipulations.  His verbal, emotional, physical, mental, and sexual abuse.  He wasn't prepared to be married to me.  The bitch who took no shit and who's ASD-PDA ass would never do anything I didn't want to.  A man with a strong need for control and a woman who refused to be controlled.  You'd think his bitch-ass would have backed down.  But alas, you'd be wrong.  As was I.  

It was like two bulls fighting it out to the death in the pasture.  Nobody ever won our fights, but I did win the long game.  That game is called "not being a narcissist".  And because of that, I win.  He's still selfish, self-centered, and self-serving and I have a husband and two kids "who actually do love me".  My ex?  Wouldn't know what real love was or meant if it punched him in the face.  Which I wanted to do many times in my life.  I never did though.  I never even threatened it (though I did threaten to beat his ass once, when he threatened to beat my 1 1/2 year old son's ass for being too slow on the stairs).  This man was not prepared to deal with me.  A real mom with PDA.  

And he still thinks he did nothing wrong.  Everything is everyone else's fault.  Geez.  Some people never change.  Thank goodness I did.  

Here's my song about him: 

Ooh, I need to make a song about him!  Yes!  That will be my next song.  I will link it below.