So, I tried.  And I am still trying.  I know, I know, I quit everything before I get to the good stuff.  Before I see a payoff.  And then I say "Oh look, that didn't work for me" when in reality, I just didn't try hard enough.  So, this time, I am not giving up.  Well, I am in some ways, but I think that's okay, as you have to change things up to see what works and what doesn't.  But what I thought was going to work turns out is really, really hard for me to do.  And it's not working, whereas the new way is kinda-sorta working.  And the new way is pretty easy.  So, why not keep with it?  I am going to, but it's not at all what I thought I wanted to do.  But I have a few more things to try, but as far as I can tell, the most basic and easy way to do it is getting the most traction.  It feels like cheating.  It's not at all what I wanted to do, nor does it really have anything to do with how this all started to begin with.  But then again, this is how this goes.  

Let me explain: 

I started a YouTube channel for mental health issues, including narcissism.  And it got like four views per video, if even that.  My biggest one got like 70.  But then I switched to creating music about mental health.  I got way more views, with my average being at 70.  I know that you have to release a video at least once per week to keep getting views, so I tried really hard to do that.  But a few times, I got goofed up and wasn't feeling well and forgot...so I had to scramble to get something out.  So I came up with a solution: create a fake language to create calming chants to.  And hot damn if people didn't love those.  Then I got lazy and started creating more and more chants, and now that's been my thing.  And one day, I was fifteen minutes past midnight on the 7th day and I put out my first late song.  And guess what I woke up to?  FOUR-HUNDRED-AND-FIFTY VIEWS.  What in the holy bananas was going on?  My next song is stuck at 47, like usual, but something about that one song (one of my chants...the shortest one yet) did something.  I have no idea what, but I am trying to get all my views up that high.  But I have no idea how.  

So, I decided to give up putting my face on camera now I am just doing music.  I am creating songs about what I'd normally talk about (about the subject matter) and also my gibberish chants.  I created this channel long before I started the one for this blog, even though I wrote these songs first.  In the beginning, my channel was supposed to be about how a messy person gets organized.  But after months and months of making videos and still being messy, I decided that was not going to work.  So I decided that mental health made more sense.  But the work that is required to edit those ten to thirty to sixty minute videos??  Is WAY too hard for me to do every single week, esp. when nobody really cares about what I have to say (which is fine, I get it, but still).  So now I make mental health songs and songs to relax to.  It's not at all what I wanted to do.  Yes, music is a passion of mine, but I really wanted to  spread the word about dealing with mental health issues and healing from abuse.    

I think I will try one more thing before I completely give up making videos with my face on them.  I think I want to try short content (like shorts/reels/etc.) with Buddhist-style advice on how to overcome the trauma of narcissistic abuse and other things (like anxiety, etc.).  

See, I want to position myself as an expert on healing.  And...I kind of have to practice what I preach in order to do that.  So, maybe my videos will be about that.  My journey to healing.  And if they are short, I can do little to no editing (other than some voiceovers) and I can still get the word out for what I want to talk about.  And with that kind of content, the music on my channel will actually make sense.  

I am writing a book about healing from narcissistic abuse.  And if I share on YouTube my struggles to overcome this shit, it will provide some context to who I am an author.  

I don't know if it will work, but we'll see.  

Okay, off to go make my first video with this new idea for content.  I will let you know how it works.