I wrote about this before, and I can't believe I am writing about it again.  There has to be a point where this stops.  I am not here to be used and I refuse to put my family in position by people who have NO CLUE what they're doing to get them into trouble, just because someone asks me to.  If you read my post before about potatoes, then you'll know what I am talking about.  If not, here's a summary: 

My son tried potatoes to cure his SEVERE anxiety.  Everywhere you look online and off, they keep saying that potatoes will do this.  For life.  I mean, who doesn't want their anxiety cured for life?  Esp. when your anxiety is so bad you can't function normally.  Well, my son had to wean himself off his meds (which I didn't like--but I am not his boss) to try the potatoes.  He did so, but found there is nowhere to buy potatoes.  So, he had to grow his own.  For his own use (let me be very, very clear about that part).  In no way was he ever going to share his potatoes with anyone, ever.  

Well, my birthmother read some crap from, oh what's his name...alright alright alright!  Dammit, perimenopause, I can't remember shit anymore!  Oh I googled it, Matthew McConawhatsit.  Well, she's enamored by him and thinks he's god, and he loves potatoes and so she wanted some potatoes, too, because she thinks it's a cure-all, too.  So I STUPIDLY SAID "Oh, my son tried those, they did not work, except in the moment, but not long-term."  She lived states away and wanted me to give her some of his.  I was like....uhhhhh...what?  Then she came at me and said "Oh your uncle wants some, too!"  Oh.  My.  Fucking.  God.  She's telling people now that my son has his own potatoes??????  Holy banana boat, what in the hell is going on here?  That's beyond stupid, for both the and us!  What in the hell?  

Well, I said "They made him super sick and so he doesn't have any anymore."  Then she proceeded to tell me every remedy for that.  I said to each and every single remedy she came at with that he'd tried it (and he had) and it didn't work.  And the more he at the potatoes, the worse and worse and worse his nausea got, to the point of having bad potato dreams while eating them.  And who the hell wants bad potato dreams?? So yeah, we did not have any.  But did that stop her from asking again and again?  No, it did not.  

"Tell me how to grow my own potatoes!  Do you think your son will take me to where he got his potato seeds?"  No.  No he will not, you insane weirdo.  

But she kept on.  And today she called me to ask me once again for the same information.  

"One reason I called you was because..." and as it turned it, it was the ONLY reason she called me.  

Lest me remind you: she NEVER calls me.  Like EVER.  She hardly remembers I am even alive, unless she either wants something or is bored.  During lockdown, she never contacted me once!  And she lives alone, with nobody to take care of!  I have FOUR other humans I was taking care of.  And I did eventually call her.  "Oh, I was just thinking about you!"  Where you?  Because I hadn't heard from you in almost two years, but sure!  Okay.  Let's pretend that's true! 

Is she a narcissist?  I don't think so.  But she is VERY self-centered and very, VERY clueless.  About everything.  

Tomorrow is my book signing.  I told her about it.  She lives an hour away now.  I thought she was calling to either a) tell me good luck or b) ask if she could come up and to come to my signing.  NOPE.  Not one word about that.  I just told her a few days ago, so it's not like it's been a bit or anything for her to forget.  

Today, I told her about my EMB and reminded her I am having a hysterectomy in one week and did she say "Good luck!" or "Wow, that sounds tough...".  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Nope.  Nothing.  She just changes the subject as though I was talking about a TV show I was going to watch next week and now it's her turn to talk about herself.  Sigh.  

She's not my mother.  She's a woman who's body carried me as a fucking fetus.  I need to remember that.  She gave me up for a reason and that reason is that she would not have been a good mother.  Neither is my own mother (hence this blog), but wow, it really sucks I was never meant to have a good mom.  Ever.  I was doomed to be surrounded by and raised by narcissists (my grandmother is a HUGE narcissist--who I would have been raised by had I not been adopted), whether I stayed in my blood family or been adopted.  

But the NERVE of this woman calling me to ask me about buying her own potato seeds and the setup needed to do so, it's like my son, who was in his early 20's could figure that out by himself?  She can too!!  I messaged her back just now and told her the place didn't exist anymore and she'll have to do some research online to find out in potato forums where to buy what she needs locally.  I did not tell my son about it, as I DO NOT want him sucked back into that line of thinking, as he's fully back on his meds and they are working (thank goodness--as going off your meds could make them not work anymore).  But she doesn't think about that part.  I am going to have to explain this all to her if she asks again.  Or rather, I will tell her if we're going to meet up at some point "Hey, please don't bring up the idea of potatoes to my son because I want him to stay on his meds and not get any bright ideas to go off his meds again, okay?"  

I still can't believe she told her WACKO brother about it and offered him something that wasn't hers to give.  Who even does that???? 

Sigh.  I actually thought she was calling for a good reason.  I thought she was calling because she missed talking to me or just wanted to hear my voice.  Why did I think that?  Why did let myself think that?  Why do I forget things and think she actually cares about me?

Because that's not who she is.  And this is just yet another reminder.  She only calls when she wants something.  If she still lived 12 hours away?  She'd be back to emailing me once a year.  But now she's an hour away and is all alone with no friends and nobody to talk to, so she writes to me every other week.  It's only my proximity to her that matters.  And all she wants to do is info dump on me anyways, she doesn't care about what's going on my own life.  Sigh.  

If I would have given up my baby, a) it would have been at birth, not SIX MONTHS OLD and b) I would want that child in my life as much as possible and I'd call just to hear their voice.  But I am not her.  Because if I would have had to give up my child?  It would have been under duress and exceptional circumstances.  It would not have been my choice.  My mother gave me up because she wanted to prove to her mother that SHE was in charge of what happens to me and she didn't want her to have me.  My grandmother tried to take me from her, and so she said "Oh yeah?  I will just give her to strangers then!" and then they fought in court, my birthmother won and just like that, I was in a new home right before Christmas.  At six months old.  

Sigh.  

Yup.  Why did I think she'd miss me enough to call me?  So dumb.  So very, very dumb.  

I think next time I will say I am busy or I just won't answer the phone.  It's never about anything nice anyways.  

I am so tired of people letting me down, using me, or abusing me (and my family).  

We deserve so much better than this.  We all you.  So do you.  

Make 2025 be about standing up for yourself, with everyone, and put a stop to these people's access to you.  That's what I am doing.  Or, at least trying.  

Sigh.  I am so fucking done with this shit.